Letter to Me, Age 20
Yesterday, Florinda of The 3 R’s Blog posted Note to Self: Dear Me, Age 20 as part of a blog hop for the midlife-bloggers’ group Generation Fabulous (#GenFab). I’m already missing my October Memoir Challenge, so I thought I would like to play along. GenFab is hosted by Chloe of the Mountain. I emailed her and received my invitation last night. Here is my post for the blog hop.
Dear Joy (age 20),
Joy, circa 1982
You have one guy writing 10-page letters to you from China. Another guy puts a bow on his chest and waits under your Christmas tree for you to get home. A third guy wines and dines you at the best restaurants in town. Why do you think you aren’t pretty enough?
You are holding your own at the hardest university you could find in one of the toughest majors, sometimes while being the only woman in the class. Why do you think you aren’t smart enough?
You have friends at college and friends at all your various places of employment. Police officers (a decade older than you) invite you to their parties, girlfriends include you in gab sessions, and you are the star player on your intramural inner tube water polo team. Why do you think you aren’t social enough?
You’re 5 foot 9 carrying a healthy weight. You finally have the curves you wanted in high school. Why do you think you aren’t skinny enough?
You watch films every week at an art house, regularly attend concerts and lectures at the university, and visit the Art Museum for fun. Why do you think you aren’t sophisticated enough?
Susy, Larry, Joy, Pete — Muny 1982
You worked two jobs in the summer, kept one through the school year, and took on another as a grader in your academic department. Why do you think you aren’t employable enough?
You visit city hospitals when people from your hometown are ill. Your friends seek you out for comfort whenever they are distressed. You write chatty letters to your parents several times a month. Why do you think you aren’t kind enough?
I know it’s hard to get out of your own way and be the beautiful accomplished woman that you are. I continue to struggle with this. None of your perceived inadequacies will cause you problems in life, although crises of confidence sometimes will.
As it turns out, no one is smart enough or pretty enough or kind enough to keep bad things from happening. With the grace of the universe and the gifts you were given, you come through the bad times just fine and with new knowledge of your own strengths. Even better, when you remember to cultivate gratitude and enthusiasm, your life is filled with adventure, laughter, and love.
Love you lots!
–Joy (age 50)
This is a Blog Hop. Find more links to our selves at age 20 below.
This was beautiful. Actually, it was better than that but I lack brain cells these days.
I loved this. It sounds like you were well on your way to having it all together at 20, but didn’t realize it (who does?). And I’m glad you’ve joined #GenFab!
This is such a beautiful letter, Joy. I could have used a letter like this from me-now when I was 20.
Beautifully put, Joy! You’re so right that we are often our own worst critics; one of the true hallmarks of growing up, I think, is letting go of the illusion that we can be THE BEST at everything.
Looking forward to getting to know you better at GenFab!
Karen
You had me at intramural inner-tube water polo. Sounds amazing. YOU sound amazing. Why were we all so hard on ourselves?
I bet this letter was better than the 10 page one from the boy!
Gee, golly, gosh..we were all so hard on ourselves. And we all seemed to have turned out just fine.
Joy,
Reading through most (weekend catch-up work) of these letters to our 20-year-old selves I see how fraught with insecurity we were. The messages around weight, beauty and men!
You sound like a delightful young woman and as Sharon noted, inner tube water polo? WOW
The theme of never enough resonates with all of us – and too frequently in our lives. It seems to take some of us longer to know we are enough, more than enough, but it isn’t always a consistently achieved win.
I know men are insecure about things as well. I wonder how closely their insecurities align with women’s. Imagine if we actually talked more openly with each other… So much less time would be wasted!
I love the way you phrased each of these. You really bring the points home.
Wow, I think you should write a how-to book for 20-year-olds. And yet with all that, you still doubted yourself? Human nature is grand, isn’t it?
Joy, I really loved this. It was good for me to read now!
Welcome to #GenFab! We’re glad to have you.
I love this letter, Joy. It would be so lovely if we could have recieved a letter from our older self at the age of 20 (or 13 or 16 or even 30!) I think it would have been good to hear from ME at any of those ages
Ah it would be even better to go back to those ages and relive them knowing what I know now!
I miss the Oct Memoir challenge too, so much that I’m just continuing the theme even though the challenge is over! I wasn’t able to complete it due to a series of family events, but it was great fun.
Really clever blog hop! I agree with your take on self-esteem. I think it continues to be a young woman’s biggest hurdle.
I truly loved your posts for Jane Ann’s Memoir Challenge. I hope you continue to give us memoir pieces. What a neat blog hop!
What a cool post to read. I liked seeing you reflect on your life from then and now.
You sound like you were a pretty amazing 20-year-old. And very wise today.
Sounds like you were doing all the things you needed to do, but were plagued by all the same self doubt that eats away at the self confidence of so many amazing young women even in the 21st Century.
Poignant post. Getting out of our own way is surely the most important thing we could have (should have) done. Lovely thoughts you’ve shared here. I look forward to getting to know you through GenFab.
This is all so true. Despite all sorts of evidence, don’t we often believe the worst about ourselves? I’ve been reading through all of these posts and now wondering where I’m doing that in my life TODAY. How do I limit myself TODAY. What false beliefs about myself do I carry around TODAY that I’m going to wish I didn’t tomorrow and in all the tomorrows ahead?
Wow, thanks for sharing. I’m not sure I could write a letter to my 20 year self, I married at 20. You have given me something to think about!
You are fabulous!
Great post, Joy!
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this, Joy. It’s amazing what we don’t realize when we’re young. Thanks for keeping things in the proper perspective.